SallyOldcow's Blog

Tony Blair Eats, Shoots and Leaves

Posted in Uncategorized by sallyoldcow on July 18, 2010

It has been revealed that nineteen people were shot by Tony Blair during a dinner at a Labour Party Rally prior to the last General Election. Mr Blair was the After Dinner Speaker at the event. Eight people were pronounced dead at the scene and the remainder were admitted to hospital in critical condition where they remain to this day. The matter has been shrouded in secrecy until now but an allegation in a former colleague’s autobiography has brought the case into the open.

In an interview today with Al Jazeera, Mr Blair, former Prime Minister of Great Britain, said that a heckler had said something about a 45 minute warning at the beginning of his speech. Mr Blair had taken this to be a credible threat and when about 45 minutes had passed the man had raised his arms, possibly holding a weapon, and Mr Blair, to be on the safe side, had shot him. When asked to explain why so many people had been shot Mr Blair said ‘the numbers have been  exaggerated, but when eliminating threats it is inevitable that there would, on occasion, be some collateral damage’.

The man identified by Mr Blair as the heckler, who he claims had issued the 45 minute warning, has been identified as a journalist for the Daily Telegraph. In fact all the dead and injured are journalists. A camera belonging to the dead Daily Telegraph journalist has been handed over by a surviving colleague and the last image on its memory card is reproduced above.

Mr Blair has thus far declined to be interviewed by the Police and has insisted that any enquires are to be made through a Mr M Clifford.


Tony Blair Launches the Tony Blair Wealth Foundation

Posted in Uncategorized by sallyoldcow on July 6, 2010

Burj Al Arab, Dubai, 6 July 2010. It has been only a few days since Former Prime Minister Tony Blair was awarded  The Liberty Medal, from the National Constitution Center,  and the $100,000 prize given to those whose “actions represent the founding principles of the United States”. Now, in a conference room of the 7 star Burj Al Arab Hotel with views over the Arabian Sea, the tanned and relaxed Tony Blair launched the Tony Blair Wealth Foundation.

Former British Prime Minister Blair gave a customary assured presentation and stated that  the aim of his foundation is to “make him the richest man on Earth”. Mr Blair gave particular thanks to Gordon (Gordon Brown, former Chancellor of the Exchequer who succeeded Tony Blair as PM) for giving him the idea for this new venture. Gordon, he said, had demonstrated that if you want to spend billions of pounds then it is best to have the money in your possession first rather than borrow it and face crippling interest payments. Mr Blair said that prior to the official launch of The Tony Blair Wealth Foundation he had already tested his business model by accepting numerous prizes and substantial donations and on current projections he had every confidence in the success of his new venture and expected “to be a billionaire by Christmas, sorry Eid.” He said that the website had just gone live and was accepting donations by credit card although he was “still, obviously, allowing personal approaches from high net worth individuals”.

Yousri Fouda from Al-Jazeera, the Arabic satellite television station asked the former prime minister how this aim of acquiring vast wealth sat with the aims of the Tony Blair Faith Foundation? Mr Blair replied that “The aims of the two foundations are entirely compatible. What we are looking to do is  develop a paradigm shift in wealth creation. We will implement a robust process, which at the end of the day will bring synergies and align the tactical requirements and strategic values of both foundations”.

Mr Blair then accepted a question from Ashfaq Ahmad, chief reporter Gulf News, who congratulated Mr Blair on receiving the Liberty medal and said that in the Arab world there is a special word – “eghtina”, for what Mr Blair is doing. This remark drew the attention of the Arabic speakers in the room but left the rest of us in the dark. Before Mr Ahmad could elaborate Mr Blair  said “shukran” and then took a question from Kay Burley of Sky News.

Kay Burley asked Mr Blair what he intended to do with all his wealth.  Mr Blair thanked Ms Burley for an interesting question and replied that one aim was “to get involved in media, much like Silvio Berlusconi”, the Italian Prime Minister. Mr Blair continued by saying that he thought “Mr Berlusconi had made a tactical error by controlling the media while serving as Prime Minister compared to my plans to control erm, be involved in the media after leaving office, because the past is such an uncertain place don’tcha know. Gosh Kay, ha ha, maybe you could come and work for me”

Mr Blair then invited everybody to have lunch in the hotel’s Al Mahara (“Oyster”) restaurant which features a large seawater aquarium. Mr Blair apologised for not joining everybody for lunch as he was going jet-skiing with Euan, although not, ha ha, in the aquarium.